It's Fucking Freezing

Ok, well, let me just preface that for all of you living in the Northern and Midwestern locales who actually have temperatures of 32 degrees outside your door.

I LOVE my new little apartment - however - the heaters in this place look like a failed experiment in Nuclear Bomb development back in the 40s. So, rather than risk having my entire apartment burn down due to faulty gas lines and whathave you, I have been gifted with a space heater from my father for Christmas. It is a lovely purchase, to be sure, but for some reason it doesn't really heat the room up as much as I'd like. Yet.

Anyhoo - point is this: having a furnace or an appropriately maintained heat producing element in apartments in California is somewhat laughable because you really only need the heat element working from sundown until you get into bed. MAX 6 hours a day - and even then a warm blanket can solve your problems. And further to that, this routine is really only necessary for 3 months of the year.

So, my bitching is for no really good reason other than that at this moment I am cold - and I choose to complain about it.

In other news, I made a pumkpin, kale, red beans and rice thingy tonight for dinner.
It was tasty - and felt healthy, although all I really want to do right now is go eat a bag of chocolate chips. Sigh.

I think I'll try to keep posting regularly again. I am sure I have plenty to say - even if it is born out of possible depression.

More on that later.
Peace out, yo.
Brrr.
-dk :)

Multiple Choice

a) You were eaten by a shark while surfing on Sunday and my text message notification is still blinking inside the beasts stomach next to your chewed up body..

b) You read my text and immediately following have been trapped under a large beam desperately wanting to respond to my text but your phone is just out of reach.

c) You never got my text message last Sunday (there's like a .02% chance of that, right?).

d) You received my text message, deleted it and rolled your eyes wondering why I would have felt the need to thank you because you had a horrible time during our 4+ hours of conversation and drinks as well as the time spent making out on your leather couch.

e) You're freaked out by how much I rocked your casbah on Saturday night and can't deal with your emotions so instead you've gone M.I.A.

 

Any answer is fine, as long as I get one - though if I had to pick MY preference it would be c) followed by e) being the explaination as to why I haven't heard from you since Saturday night.

 

-D.

What a lovely thing to say...

"thank you for communicating. i like how we've gotten the chance to do this -- and it feels good chatting and exchanging thoughts. thank you for the friendship -- i come by this sentiment authentically."

there is still good in this world - and appreciation from places one would never have expected.

friends are precious - and i am grateful for them all.

xo,
-dk :)

p.s. and now, i eat yogurt.

Sixteen Candles

Apparently, though not lived out to its fullest, my life over the last few days has at least in theory appeared to be a storyline in a John Hughes movie. Nice.

Turns out affection is not always unrequited but just unknown, or, to put it more bluntly, cockblocked.

All is well.

xo,
-dk :)

No answer IS the answer...

What a dick.

Moments Of Weakness...

So, I sent a message to someone tonight.
I haven't been in touch with this person for almost a year, since we were supposed to hang out and then this person literally dropped off the face of the earth. Yes, I have this persons e-mails, phone number, home address, etc. Why didn't I just stop over to make sure this person is alright? Well, that's not an option.

My point is - I found this person today. Where? Of course, on Facebook - the infernal social networking site. Up until today, it's been fine. I looked for this person a few times before - but today, this person shows up with a profile. No, I didn't immediately ask this person to friend me. I sent a message.

This will be THE LAST time I attempt to contact this person. And here are the reasons:

a) before, my e-mails have gone missing before when I didn't hear back from this person, but sooner or later, this person always wrote back;

b) text messages have been known not to go through;

c) since I know this person just set up this account in the last month or so, and Facebook is addictive, unlike before I KNOW that this person will get this message that I sent. So if the person doesn't respond, hurtful though that may be, I will know that the Universe is telling me that this person has no business in my life.

I am kicking myself for even sending the message though - because it's as though I almost already know the answer, and I know it's going to hurt. It wouldn't hurt as much I don't think if the person said "look, i don't want to or can't be friends with you any more" but this person doesn't. This person will just disappear, and/or ignore. And that, friends, is I think the most hurtful rejection of all.

But, I suppose maybe this action will set me free. Breathe out the pain of rejection I am expecting, and do some meditation on why I am better off without this person in my life.

This was a pretty self centered and uninteresting post.
But, I'm feeling weak at the moment, and as vague as this post is - I had to get it out there.

And now, I try to sleep.

Peace out, yo!
-dk :)

Flip It 'Round

Well, peeps, (and by peeps I mean the 1.5 of you who still check to see that I write in this little ditty), I have read my last few posts and MAN are they negative(ish).

So, I'm going to make an effort to turn that around. Turn the frown upside-down. Turn the bum-outs into perspectives.

I pray that I will have more time to do the thinking, to share the perspectives - that's been part o' the problem. Never the less, I will make the effort to journal here (and privately) to document my existance so I can look back on today someday and revel in who I was, hopefully how I've grown, and be reflective again. To, as they say, "slow the mechanism".

Thanks for reading, even though the latest editions have been a bit downtrodden.
This is my resolution to improve.
Or, as my mom says, "no one can ask you to do more than your best".
So, I'm going with that.

-dk :)

P.S. But I'm still going to rant about parents who take their kids to innappropriate locations. That's just unexceptable and someone needs to quasi-anonymously call them out, no? :)